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Other users call themselves "incels," meaning "involuntary celibates," or "Forever Alone," which requires no explanation.They use the site as an advice depot, confessional, and water cooler, complaining frequently about the impossibility of making themselves understood by "normies" or "noncels."Michael has sunk countless hours into the site. But offline, he almost never mentions it—much less that he hasn't dated anyone since he was 17, and has had sex just once in the decade-plus since.Afterward, he assumed that's what a girl would do if she really liked him—make the first move.Even when he got strong evidence that someone was into him—one night, a young woman he'd gone to the movies with came back to his room and climbed into bed with him—he couldn't be absolutely sure, and so he demurred, despite his attraction to her. Maybe she didn't want me to kiss her," he says, bemused by his younger self's naïveté yet still discouraged by his failure to Such episodes are part of growing up.
"How many women have you slept with because of this dog? He's trim, around 5'10", with a pale, angular face and light-brown hair that is thinning but definitely still there.
"Support for the dating-challenged," proclaims the front page. Many of the site's users have gone years, decades, or even their entire lives without romance.
Some identify themselves as suffering from "love-shyness," a condition, though not recognized by any mental health authority, that is characterized by extreme anxiety over any romantic or sexual interaction.
Now they're losers, weirdos, and potential monsters.
This contributes to a climate where, as Michael sees it, it's better to "just keep quiet, because otherwise you can be misinterpreted in all sorts of negative ways."For Michael, our conversations were minefields, with the potential for misspeaking—or being quoted out of context—lurking in the shadow of every question. Too much hate, too many "crazy ideas."So why, I ask, is he still running the place? "Partly habit." We're sitting in the living room of his one-bedroom apartment.
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I heard the woman calling Michael's name before he did. The woman, thirtyish and friendly-looking, was under-dressed for the cold October day and kept moving in place to keep herself warm. A member of the opposite sex was nerve-racking enough, and I figured that I was adding to his stress—that Michael feared I'd inadvertently reveal why I came to Boston to meet him.